Self-love freed my heart — It’s hard not to believe the Universe is sending you a message when the song, “Wicked Game,” begins playing in the middle of breaking up with your first gay love. The world was on fire and no-one could save me but you It’s strange what desire will make foolish people…

Uncovering a familial fellowship of alcoholism and recovery — I heard you were a Friend of Bill. A 1960-ish, Katonah, NY, in the flesh friend. Of Bill W. I imagine you sipping coffee in his living room. Could you see your taut smile on my face sipping tepid coffee in poorer spaces? You were PopPop. White, messy mop. Honking…

How I Accepted Myself and Learned to Love “Connection” is a shallow, amorphous term — easily hijacked by people like me to delude ourselves into thinking we’ve got it. How could I not be connected? How could I not be connected? I was a leader at work, a helpful neighbor…

I ran through life. Then I discovered the gifts of the Present: Truth, Faith & Love — I respect runners. I admire how they feel pain and push through it. A runner may dream about the finish line, but every stride is a jolt back to the present moment. I’ve been running my entire life. But instead of connecting to the present moment, I was escaping from…

We are junkies, sharing our needles, chasing our fix: The amygdalar contraction, the dopamine explosion. Together. Apart. Fixed to a sexuality rooted in childhood. The record skips, and skips, and skips; the love-death dance — scratch-skipping through our lives . . . …

Conjectures on gay shame — One of the first books I read after coming out at 42 was Alan Downs’ The Velvet Rage. The subtitle: “Overcoming the pain of growing up gay in a straight man’s world” suggested that pain comes standard in gay lives. It foreshadowed the book’s prevalent theme: shame. Intuitively, the concept…

An homage to salad — Because it is complete. Because it delicious. Because vitamins ABC. Because iron and calcium, niacin, riboflavin, potassium and pyridoxine. Because protein. Because fiber. Because fat. Because variety — I am the master mixer before my culinary soundboard: Because Monday delighted with a sprinkling of fried onion bits; Because Tuesday, a different…

How a long walk in Prague with Paul McCartney and a Disney princess taught me how to use meditation as a tool for recovery. One of the greatest challenges of early recovery was learning how to let go. Up until I got sober, I maintained an iron grip on my…